Self-Confidence: How to Develop

Self-confidence is gained when you face your fears. When a fear is present, you have two choices:

  1. Run from it. This is good if you like to stay in your comfort zone. But beware, by staying in this zone for too long will you never grow bolder, stronger, and wiser. You will never know your true self if you run from your fear.
  2. Face it. By facing your fears will you grow, and by growing will you develop permanent self-confidence. When the first human was placed here on earth, he did not have any guidance to pave his way through life and the dangers that the planet presented. Today, we have support everywhere. We are guided by the media and the government, as if they’ve already paved the way for us, requiring no independent effort and thinking from us.

What are your fears? If your fear is failure, and you choose to run from it, then you will never succeed in life. Failure is part of life, so fail every day. Each time you fail, you will learn from the experience. Ponder the failed experience and then try again. You will most likely fail, but you’ve become even wiser than the first time you’ve ever tried. It’s like starting your business or asking girls out. Your first time will most likely be a failed attempt. Don’t be discouraged from it. But congratulate yourself, for you dared to step outside of your comfort zone and faced and successfully conquered your fears. Learn from the experience, and become better at your game.

I had to face my fears of spiders gradually. Growing up, I was always scared of spiders. I’m not sure why, but it was something that stuck with me as I grew up. I could not even get close to a spider, let alone see a picture of it, without getting the chills crawling through my skin.

One night, I decided to face my fear of spiders when I saw a full-grown spider on the bedroom wall next to me. I remained as calm as possible, knowing that the first thing to check is to check your emotions. Once you panic, it’s over. In the heat of the moment, without thinking, I killed it. I was sweating, and I was shaking. In between the tips of my fingers with a tissue was a dead spider, or alive, or it was an illusion. But it doesn’t matter — I killed it, and I conquered my fears of spiders. It was then that I realized the hardest part of facing your fears is the barrage of moments leading up to it. You as an individual have a choice to either stall facing your fears, or without hesitation conquer your fears.

The key to facing your fears is to not over think it, but to just do it. The whole points is to keep failing. Get used to failing. Don’t try to succeed. Don’t get in the mindset of succeeding. Go in without any expectation. Try to challenge yourself how many failures can you handle before quitting. Keep facing your fears and watch your self-confidence grow exponentially.

Another way to grow your self-confidence is to specialize in one or two areas. Specialize in one subject which you are passionate about. Music, art, programming, writing, public speaking, driving, gaming, skating, business. Sooner than you know, people will aspire to be like you. You will gain followers. Just keep doing your thing and naturally, you will gain self-confidence and followers on the way.

A pro gamer by the alias Birdring is a prime example of this. He was a regular Joe. He decided one day that he will become the best gamer in the world. He gave up his other dreams in total pursuit of this aspiration. After months and years of training, despite shortcomings, failures, and concerns from his loved ones, he stayed sharp and motivated to succeed. Now, he’s highly regarded as one of the best professional gamers, internationally. You can tell by the way he speaks in interviews then and now is different. He’s able to talk more openly without fears of repercussions. He’s able to speak his mind more freely.

You can do the same, too. Tomorrow, you’re going to get up and explore the world with chest thrust out, head and shoulders back, speaking in a clear and deep voice, making eye contact, and getting stuff done. Yesterday you was weak. Today you is well-endowed. Tomorrow you is superior.

Focus on the present. Do not worry about what will happen. Right now is the most important. You either do it, or you think about it and never take any bold action.

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