You are working.
You finish your first task.
You move on to your next task.
The mom and her child enter.
Her child cries to her mom.
Mommy! Mommy! I want that cookie!
You sigh in silence.
You roll your eyes.
You get upset.
You forget what you were doing.
You have to use more of your mental energy to remember what you were doing and start over.
It is as if you just had an epiphany but shattered immediately to pieces because of that fucking child.
That fucking child. Am I that evil? Geez…
You reach into your bag, shuffle through your items to find your pair of earphones.
Not because you’re glad.
But because you’re frustrated and angry.
I forgot them.
You look over your shoulders. The crybaby is still there. The fucking crybaby.
The mother isn’t doing anything to shush her. Self-entitled bitch.
You need to finish your tasks.
You look around the cafe for signs of the Earphone Goddess to answer your calls.
You see a teen with a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.
You’re so desperate to finish this. You walk over and offer to buy the teen a large caramel frappucino for just 15 minutes of using that headphones.
The teen looks at me, then looks at the fucking crybaby with her self-entitled mom, then looks at her homework, then looks at me and shakes her head.
I kick her ass and take her headphones anyway.
Next thing I know, I’m in cuffs and sentenced to 5 years in state prison next to child rapists, serial killers, terrorists. All because of that fucking crybaby and her self-entitled soccer mom.
That’s not the kind of life I want.
I also don’t want to damage my eardrums just to block out some fucking noise.
So I do the smart thing.
I pray to the goddess of silence.
She answers me with a pair of peculiar-looking objects and sensually instructs me to put each one into my ear.
The noises cancel, and my eardrums are safe.
Everything becomes still. Peaceful. Tranquil.
You may cry all you want, baby. ‘Cuz I got these suckers to get me in my top performance and shape.
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